Q: My eight-year-old daughter has been seeing a therapist about anxiety. The problem is that when the therapist asks how things are going my daughter says things are fine. But I know from school and by things she says, that they are not. How do I tell the therapist without “tattling?”

It is important that the therapist get as much information as possible about what’s happening with your daughter, the Family Project panel agreed.

“Ask to talk to the therapist outside of the therapy session. The therapist needs to know what’s going on to be effective,” said panelist Joanne Raftas.

“It’s very important that the parents are included in the therapy and that the child knows that,” added panelist Mike Daniels.

Don’t think of it as “tattling,” Daniels said.

Daniels asked, “Did you feel you were tattling when you first sought out therapy for your daughter?”

“Most kids see it as support rather than control. It’s not tattling. It’s part of the process,” Daniels added.

“It helps the therapist to know the parents’ point of view. That’s an important piece of the therapy. Your daughter could be doing better even if she never talked about, Raftas said.

“On the other hand, the parents may be having their own anxiety. That’s why it’s good to check in with the whole family,” said Raftas.

“The child may not necessarily know what’s OK and what isn’t,” added panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“It could be good for the therapist to know how she feels in other settings,” Stefanyak said.

“It’s really important to separate things out. The daughter may think she’s doing better. A child can feel better even if the parents are still worried. What’s happening in the family is part of what the child is experiencing,” said Daniels.

It’s important that parents are a part of the therapy, the panel agreed.

“Parents need to be involved to a certain degree. The therapist can offer suggestions of ways for parents to handle specific thing and help the parents figure out how to help the child,” Raftas said.

“Involvement with the child is your right and your role to get their needs met,” added Raftas.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.