Q: How do you encourage an adult child to stick to his goals when he gets discouraged?

Try to help your child to build on his past successes, says The Family Project panel.

“Ask him ‘When was another time when you thought you weren’t going make it and did?’ This is in essence building his resilience,” said panelist Denise Continenza.

Remind him about how he coped, the strategies he used and the supports he turned to, Continenza said.

“If you were a part of that process, call up the encouraging things that you said in past. Let him know that you are here for him in any way he needs,” Continenza added.

He is old enough to understand choices and consequences, said panelist Erin Stalsitz.

“Discuss the consequences of different options if he follows through and if he doesn’t. Sometimes, making lists of pros and cons on paper is helpful,” Stalsitz said.

Try to find out how important this accomplishment is to him, said panelist Pam Wallace.

“It’s possible when he started, he had one goal in mind, and maybe now that has changed. And that’s OK. It is important to find out what he wants, and if it is in another direction, strive to help him any way you can,” Wallace said.

It can take a lot of time, effort and work to complete goals. He may have to do tasks and jobs that he may not want to do to gain experience and knowledge, but that is all part of the process, Wallace added.

Make sure your advice is supportive and encouraging, the panel agreed.

“Avoid saying things like ‘Here you go again!’ or ‘You always get yourself so upset and then things work out anyhow,’” said Continenza.

Encourage him to start with some short-term goals to help him along the path, Wallace said.

“He will need to be realistic in what he wants to do. But it is not OK to just abandon the goal and do nothing,” Wallace said.

In the end, he is an adult and he will need to live with the choices he makes, Stalsitz said.

“As a parent, it is important to be content with the fact that you have done what you could to educate your child to the best of your ability,” Stalsitz said.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Denise Continenza, extension educator; and Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh Children & Youth.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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