Q. My seven-year-old son thinks that we favor his sisters. He is a good boy, but he has a few negative traits. He is a messy eater, can be really loud and doesn’t always listen, all of which we have to address quite often. When that happens, he starts trying to find ways to get his sisters in trouble for something they have done. Is there a way to convince a child that we don’t favor his siblings? I feel our interactions are negative, and it doesn’t help that his sisters are easy-going and responsive to requests.

Observed panelist Mike Daniels, “If you set yourself up to try and convince the child of anything, your expectations are going to be that the child will either believe something or do something.

“You can share information and correct him when it is needed, but you aren’t convincing him of anything,” Daniels continued. “You should just validate that the boy believes he is having this negative experience.”

Panelist Chad Stefanyak suggested that when the boy complains about his treatment or the perceived favoritism toward his sisters, the parents should ask him how that makes him feel, then respond that it must be difficult for him to feel that way.

“You’re not agreeing, just acknowledging his feelings without an argument,” Stefanyak said.

“You can thank the boy for sharing his feelings and ask him what he thinks he could do to help the situation,” Daniels said. “That gives him a sense of some control over the situation and lets the child know that the parents are listening.”

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said that sometimes children overhear their parents comparing them on the phone or even right in front of them.

“This is the worst thing parents can do,” Mercado-Arroyo said, adding, “If the boy does something wrong, tell him about it when you are alone to help him. But also take time to tell him what he is doing right.”

“Bad behavior is a way for the seven-year-old to get attention,” panelist Pam Wallace said, “and not acknowledging what the boy does well just encourages the bad behavior.”

Said Stefanyak, “He’ll get to the point where he figures he’s going to get yelled at for messy eating anyway, so he might as well keep making a mess because it gets him attention.”

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, psychotherapist; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; and Chad Stefanyak, school counselor

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc. and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.