Q. It seems families are more disconnected than ever. Why do you believe this is happening?

A. You would think with the advancement in technology, relationships would develop but unfortunately it took the opposite turn. The use of devices creates or furthers the disconnect. People are more distant and technology is used in the wrong manner. People text rather than make telephone calls. Politics contributes to the disconnect as well. Families are finding a lack of common ground between two opposing parties.

Q. When did this begin?

A. It began during COVID-19 where people were isolating practicing safety first. People became more distant.

Q. Can this disconnect be repaired?

A. I believe it can be fixed and addressed. Preparation and communication are important.

Q. Can you provide some ideas for coping with conflict within the family for the upcoming holidays?

A. Clear communication is key. Set expectations; ‘I am going here for this amount of time.’ Don’t feel compelled to stay the entire time. Allow yourself to be excused. Entrust a friend or family member with a safe word. Some family members or friends may be offended with the limits set. Redirect the attention by suggesting, ‘Who is up for a game of charades?’ Explain that everyone is there to enjoy the holiday together. If there is bickering, remember all behaviors are learned. The image we want to instill in our youth must be first modeled.

Q. When do you make the decision to walk away?

A. Trust your gut feeling. The moment you feel uncomfortable, take five minutes to ground yourself. If after that time you still feel uncomfortable, tell the group you need to excuse yourself. All relationships take two. Do you want a relationship with this person? What changes need to be made?

Q. What are some ideas for spending the holidays without your family members?

A. The importance of human relationships is the value that guides my practice. I strongly encourage everyone to pick up the phone. As we get older, our values change. Look at what you can do to build those human relationships. Do an act of kindness that day. Step out of your comfort zone. Get together with friends. Reach out to those who may not have families. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Bond with people over commonalities. Pursue relationships with neighbors, church members, community center participants. It is so important to be around others; they can be a source of distraction.

Q. What other advice do you have for our readers?

A. Remember the purpose of the gathering. How can we do that if living in the past or the future. Live in the present moment. Do your best to stay out of your head and not live in the past or worry about the future. To stay in the present, describe five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell and one thing you can taste. Time is one of the most luxurious gifts we have. Experience gratitude by showing appreciation for others. And remember the best gift is the gift of time.

Julian Foster is a licensed social worker, Adolescent Transitions, LVHN, part of Jefferson Health.