Dear Jacquelyn,

I’m a busy working mom and I have a lot on my plate. When I am asked to do something beyond my already full schedule, I have a habit of saying “Yes” to everyone. I’m starting to feel burnt out and resentful. Is there a way to say “No” without sounding like a bad person?

Dear Reader,

The tiny little word “no” is often the most difficult one to say.

If you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings or causing conflict there are ways to say “no” so that you remain likeable. There are guilt free strategies for saying “no”

Take a moment and think before your give your answer. While you’re thinking, consider your priorities, and then either say, “yes” or “no.” Answering “no” quickly makes it obvious that no matter what the person would ask, your answer would be “no.”

Start on a positive note by thanking the person for thinking of you. Then be honest and follow it up with the reason you can’t accept the request. If you can give the real reason, you’re unable to help, it’s kind to let them know: “I’d love to help; unfortunately, I’m already overextended.”

Sometimes a simple, “thank you” is all you need to offer. It isn’t always necessary to over-explain.

Keep your explanation short and sweet. By saying less, it makes it harder for someone to soften the “no” by pressuring you for more information as to why you should say “yes.”

If it’s someone you know well, it’s usually a lot easier to reply with a simple “no.” The proper “no” is a polite “no,” which is three things: a definitive answer, a summary of the reasons for it, and a suggestion for an alternative.

If it’s someone you don’t know very well, the best approach is to phrase your refusal as kindly as possible.

While these pointers will help you soften the blow of a “no,” they should not be said with any hesitation. While remaining polite and warm, you must also be firm and confident.

There are nice ways to say “no” without feeling guilty. Keep your demeanor light, and, of course, smile.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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