Dear Jacquelyn,

Over the holidays, I attended several parties with extended family I haven’t seen in a long time. I found myself watching everyone and not talking. I was totally out of my comfort zone. I did not want to come across as disinterested, but I felt awkward. Do you have any suggestions about how to engage in small talk?

Dear Reader,

Naturally when we spend time with the people who are closest to us, the flow of conversation is effortless.

We don’t struggle because it’s easy to share stories about common interests and memories.

However, sooner or later, we all find ourselves in social situations where we can and should engage in conversations with people we aren’t comfortable around.

The good news is, the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.

The first thing you want to do is be aware of your body language and the message you are sending. You want to do a few things that will show others you are approachable, sincere and genuinely interested in them.

First, make a connection by smiling, make eye contact and direct your body towards the other person. The next step is simple: find a common ground. In your situation, you each know the family history. Beginning with a common ground, that you both can relate to, establishes a connection.

Now that you’ve established a connection, what’s next? To keep the conversation flowing, pay attention and really listen to what the person is saying.

Listen closely for something that can trigger a new line of conversation. If you are still stuck, try discussing the setting, weather or vacation plans. Don’t fear any awkward silence. If you listen first and talk second, you will be successful in small talk.

Showing an interest, curiosity and enthusiasm in people is more important than trying to come up with something brilliant to say. You don’t have to be brilliant, just nice.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2021 Jacquelyn Youst