Marie Bartos had been married 12 years when her husband, Stephen Milkovits, died by suicide.

"Honestly I don't really know why that day. I think he was contemplating it for a long time," Bartos said.

She remembers the last words the former Northampton Borough Police officer said to her: "Do you love me?"

"I said, 'Yes, I love you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't,'" Bartos said, who followed him to the next room. Bartos said she doesn't think he realized she was there as he opened the drawer to get his gun.

"Before I could get out of my mouth, 'What are you doing with that gun?' it was over," she said.

To Bartos the rest of the night was a blur. She remembers being calm as she dialed 911. Dispatchers however, later told her she had been screaming and hysterical, she said.

Bartos said Milkovits had been having trouble sleeping, but she attributed that to working swing shift.

"Everybody knows how tough that is on your body so I just attributed it to that," she said.

Milkovits had become withdrawn but did not share with her what he was feeling, she said.

"I really believe why he became a cop was to save the world ... and when he couldn't, I think that was devastating to him," said Bartos.

Milkovits had been a U.S. Marine for six years. He also worked as a guard at Lehigh County Prison before becoming a cop.

Because he had been in trouble as a youth, Bartos said, Milkovits wanted to help children turn their lives around.

When Milkovits was first sworn in, Richard Fenstermaker put his badge on him and said, "You know, Steve, I think this is the badge I wore when I arrested you," he said.

Milkovits, known as "Milky," was quite popular with area youth. He was the first police officer to get trading cards, Bartos said.

"All the kids loved him," she said.

Sometimes people in trouble, even adults, would request he be assigned to their cases, she said.

Milkovits patrolled on a bicycle and Bartos said she believes the exercise helped. It also put him in a position where he could interact with people and he enjoyed that.

Still, it wasn't enough. Obviously, he still struggled with his emotions, said Bartos.

After he died, she also struggled.

"I was numb for two years," Bartos said. "I was just existing. I didn't live."

In fact, she said, it took her five years to go through her husband's things.

The best decision she made was to begin going to therapy, she said.

"It's helped me because I've been able to face my fears," she said. "When he died it was scary."

For awhile all she did was go to work and come home and go to bed, she said. Eventually, she began to see a therapist, adding therapy is the reason she's "not in bed all the time."

Extensive support from family, friends and physicians, have also helped.

"They were always there when I needed them. It was very hard for them but they knew when I needed my time," she said.

Several years after Milkovits' death, Bartos attended a suicide prevention walk in Philadelphia. It led her to get involved in the American Federation for Suicide Prevention, which works to raise awareness of suicide and related issues. It also provides support to those left behind.

"We all belong to a family we don't want to belong to," she said. "These people do understand. It's a safe environment to share, to help one another."