It's hopeless.

At a summer carnival or on a stop at the grocery store, I see an acquaintance across the lawn or down the aisle. I offer a warm smile and a "Hey, how are you?"

A friendly conversation ensues and all the while I am frantically trying to remember the person's name and sometimes even how I met her.

If I am lucky, she will steer the conversation in the direction of recalling a shared event or a mutual friend, helping me to recall where we met, but still, the name is often mystifyingly gone. It comes back to me on the drive home.

It's perplexing. Why does this happen?

I used to think it was a hereditary problem, as my mother often spit out two or three siblings' names before coming up with mine. But as time went on, I realized that most every mother with more than one child does that.

It's frustrating. Sometimes I think I have brain damage.

A friend of mine, following surgery for a tumor, recalled his son-in-law's birthday but not his daughter's name, as if his brain was playing tricks on him. However, there are no foreign growths going on in my head, and no recent swelling or snipping. So I guess it's not a matter of gray matter deficiency with me.

It's worrisome. Could it be early onset of dementia?

Another acquaintance of mine, who has Alzheimers, remembers me instantly, although we are not lifelong confidants, but calls her daughter by her own sister's name (she's got a diagnosed excuse, but I've been slipping and calling my daughter by my sister's name from time to time for years).

I have a pretty good memory for important things, like where I left my keys and what's in my checking account, and for unimportant things like what I ate for lunch at a little diner in the Outer Banks last October and the birth date of the girl I lived next door to when I was eight. But those pesky names are the bane of my social life.

In his book "How to Make Friends and Influence People," Dale Carnegie writes, "A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." So I've got to get to the bottom of this problem.

Perhaps sometimes when being introduced, I am more concerned with whether my handshake will be sweaty instead of thinking about the person's name. But I actually recall times when I have said to myself, "Remember the name this time." Then, 20 minutes later, it's irretrievable.

It's embarrassing.

Really, I should not be going through life referring to so many of my acquaintances as "What's-his-name."

So, to overcome my disability, I am determined to take the advice of numerous experts, including Carnegie, on the subject of name recognition:

· When being introduced, I will give the person my full attention.

· I will call the person by his name immediately, as in, "Nice to meet you, John."

· I will try to call him by his name again during the course of conversation, to reinforce my memory, as in, "I hope to see you again soon, John."

· I will try to think of a physical characteristic or similarity to a celebrity's name that might help me to remember the name.

· And I will realize that, as the experts say, this is a common problem for many people, not just me.

So, maybe it isn't hopeless after all.

Linda

Wojciechowski

associate editor

Catasauqua Press